Mata Priteshwari’s Laws of Everything

(these are my fun musings related to day-to-day observations. Take them seriously at your own risk :D)

1. Law of infant pooping (my most recent discovery): No matter how long you wear your nightdress for in the morning (quite literally offering it to your infant as a plausible alternative), or put him on ANY other surface, the infant shall poop once you’re dressed for work, in a way such that both the kurta and the pant get soiled (along with the sofa, the floor etc.) so as to cause maximum damage πŸ˜€ At the end of such an explosive poop (thanks to Kripa for inventing the term), the child shall give you the best smile you’ll remember to disarm you effectively πŸ˜€

2. Law of misplaced objects: The probability of the husband finding a misplaced object diminishes as the object gets closer to where it is supposed to be. After 100 instances of this kind, you shall realize that this is so because the husband didn’t know, to begin with, where the object was to be, originally.

3. Law of generalization of child behaviour: As soon as you state that you child is a social person and mingles easily with strangers, the child shall give the visitors one look and bawl at the top of his voice. This behaviour shall remain strictly till the visitors leave. Thereafter, the child shall follow the generalization to the full stop πŸ˜€

4. Law of organizing: As soon as you finish erasing the chaos from the dressing table/kitchen/bedroom, the husband shall walk in and tell you that there WAS order in that chaos and that the new ‘chaos’ is too unfamiliar. Law 2 shall come into force then and shall remain till he has restored ‘his’ version of chaos.

5. Law of lost clothing: The socks/gloves/scarves getting misplaced during the laundry (done by the husband, of course) will invariably be yours and, of course, the probability of them getting lost will increase with how much you like that piece of clothing.

6. Law of relevant expenses: When you make a careful list of groceries to buy (and secretly eyeing a saving so that you can buy that silver+amber pendant), husband shall offer ‘help’ (under the guise of offering to carry the groceries AFTER the shopping) and the estimated bill for groceries will be multiplied by a large integral number. You shall, henceforth, only eye that amber pendant πŸ˜€ If you as much as mention liking it and wishing to buy it, husband shall promptly point out how expensive it is (never mind all that extra grocery he buys every single time he shops).

7. Law of Internet Payments: The amount of data you need to fill in is inversely proportional to the amount to be paid. An add on is a request to refill the data because you didn’t type in the security code properly, at the END of all the tedious form-filling.

8. Law of Shopping Online: The thing you need to buy most urgently will usually be out of stock in your country and available in some far far off land. The shipping charge will invariably be directly proportional to how urgently you need it, the time needed for shipping will also be directly proportional to how fast you want it to come and the cost of the thing will be inversely proportional to the shipping charge.

9. Law of Airlines Booking: Whenever you find a cheap airfare deal online, you will want to grab it and the airlines website will show an error on the LAST page. By the time you refresh and fill all the forms AGAIN, the offer would’ve run out. In the time you spent filling the forms, the coffee you made for yourself would’ve gotten cold too.

10. Law of Cricket Mania: When you plan a weekend of intensive house cleaning, the husband shall remain glued to the computer, watching a cricket match. All the help offered with the cleaning will restrict itself to the corner he’ll be holed in.

11. Law of Husband’s Loyals: Whenever you prepare a dish with utmost concentration (after reading recipes and making it as carefully as you can), the husband will come up with some make-shift dish and all his friends shall show loyalty by lapping up the instant dish faster than what you made. πŸ˜€

12. Law of Infant Grip: The only times an infant will feel like taking hold of something and pulling it with all his might is when either your hair is loose or you’ve worn the earrings you love to wear. How energetic he feels about pulling them depends on how difficult it is to remove the earrings or how much you scream at your hair being pulled πŸ˜€

This shall be an ongoing post……..;-) I keep observing things πŸ˜‰

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6 Comments

  1. laasya said,

    March 19, 2011 at 3:20 pm

    he he..:) i like law of infant grip and law of airline booking best πŸ™‚

  2. DDey said,

    March 20, 2011 at 2:07 am

    Awesome post!!! πŸ™‚ Loved all the infant-related ones and the husband-chaos one!! Cool!! πŸ™‚

  3. Kripa said,

    March 21, 2011 at 1:45 pm

    The internet ones are sooo true!!! I hate filling in all the fields and some error erased it all and i have to start all over again!

    Law of infant sound control: If your baby cries a complaining cry calling only for your attention, cry back at him. Watch him stare at you and increase its volume. You increase your volume until both of you are screaming and daddy takes baby away from you. Baby finally calm and mommy free woohooo!

  4. Pritesh Dagur said,

    March 21, 2011 at 8:40 pm

    @ Laas; Thanks @ DDey: Thanks DDey @ Kripa: Hahahahahahaha, Trust KRIPA to come up with laws of THAT kind πŸ˜€

  5. vasu said,

    March 25, 2011 at 11:14 am

    Interesting but not complete, would love to see husband’s Laws of everything too πŸ™‚

  6. Pritesh said,

    March 25, 2011 at 11:15 am

    Husband has only one law: Law of laziness – If something like laws need to be written, leave it to the wife to write πŸ˜€


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