Oh, husbands!

When Rita Rudner said “I love being married, it’s so amazing to find that special someone to annoy for the rest of your life”, I found an instant connection with the words! After a long courtship, when I exchanged vows, I knew a roller coaster ride was assured. What I wasn’t prepared for was the amount of fun this would entail……..post-marriage, I am convinced, husbands should be classified as a different species! 😀 Some of my most memorable fun incidents in the short 8 months of marriage should give an insight into this species’ behaviour 😀

1. Cleaning: Though I must say, Ananth is by no yardsticks unclean, the challenge cleaning poses to him is amusing to a degree that I feel like rushing to rescue him from the task! Mops and brooms bring out the most confused part of my husband! A 23 square meter apartment takes him a good one hour to clean and a lot of silence from me afterwards (for I can still see specks of dirt) 😀

2. Cooking: The less I say about it, the better it’d be! 😀 (though I know I’d end up saying a lot!!!!) After marriage, I discovered that “mixed vegetable” is the favourite dish of all men (or should I say, bachelors?). The recipes are hitherto unknown and shall remain so! Once cooking starts, so does a confusion around the kitchen area. Spices can’t be located, ladles go missing and sometimes, I get charcoal for meals! 😀 Asking, “What have you cooked, honey?” is a mistake for the answer is invariably a shrug! And my cooking is almost always passed off as “good”! 😉

3. Organizing: Ah well! The Holy Grail! Irrespective to how logically I organize the house, the husband just can’t see the logic! Spices that are used more often are in front, the rest are behind. Backup spices are on the top shelf, less used dals are at the back……….but well, logic suddenly turns subjective! Once in a month, I’ve to undo Ananth’s doing so that “I” can find the spices again! e.g. Chaat masala is used once in a month, so it’s at the back. Once it’s used by Ananth, it is promoted to the front of the shelf, pushing curry leaves (which I use on alternate days) back and I’ve to go hunting for them once I start cooking! Replacing containers to where they came from doesn’t occur to husbands! 😀 Living off packets of stuff (as opposed to moving them to jars and boxes) comes naturally to them!!!!

4. Shopping: I know, I know! Women are notorious for shopping but well, in our house, the equation is quite the other way round! My way of shopping – Make a list, go to market, tick off things as you buy them, pay the bill, come back home. Ananth’s way of shopping – What’s missing in the house? Milk, Curd, Soy Milk, Fruits? Ok. Go to market, buy the memorized things AND whatever catches his fancy on the way (often things that just happen to be visible!) and come back home! Sometimes, some essentials are forgotten as well! 😀

5. Cosmetics: Oh well, I know we women are supposed to be more educated but a difference between a bath-gel and shampoo doesn’t sound mysterious, does it? 😀 I was to learn the hard way, it DOES! Hand-cream and body lotion are synonymous! Hair oil is used as a face cream + body oil! In my husband’s case, Vaseline serves as everything from dandruff remover (he goes bald and puts Vaseline to get rid of dandruff!) to body lotion to face cream to foot cream! And mind you, ALL this is done with about 0.02 g of Vaseline on his hands! Needless to say, the average life span of his Vaseline bottle is about 5 years! 😀

I could go on and on but well, I have to stop laughing! If I write any more, I may not be in a position to post anything at all! 😀 Such are “Shaadi ke Side Effects” 😀

Advertisements

13 Comments

  1. Shuba said,

    March 23, 2010 at 9:53 am

    Yoicks, Pritesh, some of your husbands “unique qualities” are similar to mine. Order in chaos and practicality that is common sense. My motto: Why bother with various creams when good old Olive or Coconut oil will do the trick. So these idiosyncrasies you write about are not just in husband’s I think.

  2. Sujit said,

    March 23, 2010 at 10:01 am

    Comparing notes
    ————–

    Quite amusing. Pretty much depicts the facts — give and take a bit.
    I realised rather early in marriage that things ought to be put back to where they belong — which is defined by the wife. In our case, involvement in household activities isn’t so equally divided amongst us. So, it’s better to leave things more in her way. In our case, I haven’t had a complaint from wife regarding the quality of cleaning. Most of the complaints are related to the speed, since I seem to take forever to do the most trivial chores. During my cleaning expeditions, often Shilpi says something: ‘That’s not a sculpture; that’s a commode. Stop loving it and finish fast.’

    Regarding food, again, I had very few occasions to cook since marriage. But, with my limited number of recipes, I haven’t goofed up so far. But I agree with you about the ‘mixed-veg’ part. 🙂

    Both of us are systematic as far as grocery goes. In all other types of shopping, she’s the archetypal female, and I am the archetypal male.

    Cosmetics. Though the uses I am able to put them to is far more limited than Ananth’s, but my cosmetics library is also limited to Vaseline.

  3. JJ said,

    March 23, 2010 at 10:09 am

    Hey Pritesh! Long time!
    Hahaha..! ROFL!

    I ain’t married yet… but the same happens with mom and me! 🙂

    > Hand-cream and body lotion are synonymous
    They’re Not??? How is your hand different from the rest of your body? 😉

  4. Prachee said,

    March 23, 2010 at 10:54 am

    ROFL…
    I can’t agree more.. its def a different species altogether… and in my case it is not even backward compatible to the pre-marriage state 😛
    Hope someday someone will enlighten husbands about kitchen organisation, and why things are priortize according to the frequency of usage 😛

  5. Geetha said,

    March 23, 2010 at 10:57 am

    Awesome post Pritesh. Still laughing as I write this.

    But on the hand-cream-lotion issue: The difference is very subtle, and I seem to miss it completely too:D.

  6. laasya said,

    March 23, 2010 at 11:15 am

    ha ha! 🙂 good na, you get free entertainment 🙂 though i m torn between sympathising with you and with ananth, what on earth is a hand cream?! and i’m all for whatever kitchen organisation works in whoever’s hands! so long as the food isnt charcoal of course 😉

  7. anju said,

    March 23, 2010 at 11:24 am

    i know all wives love to talk about their husband’s idiosyncrasies, but none of them make it sound this hilarious!

  8. Vinod said,

    March 23, 2010 at 1:59 pm

    Oh!
    Lakshmi should be so lucky to get a well organized husband like me 😉

    PS: Right now she is in my in laws home at Udupi and she has no access to Internet till Ugadi (14th April)….

  9. Aditi said,

    March 23, 2010 at 4:10 pm

    HAHAHA! age age dekho hota hain kya!

  10. DDey said,

    March 23, 2010 at 4:51 pm

    AWESOME!!! 🙂

  11. Sriram said,

    March 24, 2010 at 12:26 am

    Apparently, the inventor of Vaseline used to eat a spoonful of Vaseline everyday and claimed that it was the reason for his longevity. He died at the age of 96!

  12. Pritesh said,

    March 24, 2010 at 11:43 am

    @ Shuba Aunty: Ya sure, there are many women too who don’t care much for the difference between hand-cream and body-lotion but it’s amusing when my husband doesn’t know it and I do! 🙂
    @ Sujit: Please convey my thanks to Shilpi di for that amazing piece of information I can use for Ananth too! 😀 Commode and not a sculpture is too awesome! hahaha
    @ JJ: Ah well, there are differences in the skin type in various parts of the body but I guess, I’ll save you the trouble and let you continue believing they are the same. This will provide entertainment to YOUR wife! 😉
    @ Prachee: Absolutely! But well, THAT is what makes life fun! Seeing husband struggle with order! 😀
    @ Geetha: Welcome to my 10-years previous self! 😀 I was unaware too but thanks to extensive reading, I can finally find a reason for a different cream! 😀
    @ Laas: Absolutely Laas! I wouldn’t exchange this free entertainment for anything! 😀 And yeah, as far as charcoal doesn’t come my way, I’m ok too. Trouble is, I end up making charcoal if Ananth messes with my organizational paradigm! 😀
    @ Anju: Thanks Anju! Maybe, I have the clownest of incidents to report? 😉
    @ Vinod: Ah indeed! I should’ve known Shrilakshmi goes off Internet and Vinoda is out praising himself! 😀
    @ Aditi: Aditi, darao mat! 😀
    @ DDey: Thanks DDey
    @ Sriram: Ah, now THAT is some useful trivia! I hope Ananth doesn’t read it! 😀

  13. madhurima said,

    March 25, 2010 at 6:49 am

    Hey pritesh!
    Excellent and hilarious:)
    i can identify with some bits esp the shopping…
    however, my husband ni have different levels of ocd wid cleaning…he is so particular abt how the ‘to be washed dishes’ should be kept…its not funny…took me sometime to get the logic..n in cooking heisat times more swift than i am…so enjoying this phase too!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: