What love (definitely) is not………..

[I have Radio Indigo to acknowledge for this blog. I heard this song on a program called “Stupid Cupid” (after listening to the songs that were being played, I am beginning to believe that Cupid is indeed stupid). There were “love songs” blaring from the radio as I feverishly worked on my sketch but I couldn’t help but notice the trends in lyrics (a helplessly experimentalist mind, you see. I scarcely ever miss trends in the data :D)…..In addition, I have to thank “The Road Less Traveled” by Scott Peck for giving my thoughts a concrete form]

Here are the lyrics of the song that caught my attention (particularly the “Go on and fool me” part……). No offenses meant to the lyricist of the song but I felt very uneasy about this song, and many more that were consequently played.

Dear, I fear we’re facing a problem
you love me no longer, I know
and maybe there is nothing
that I can do to make you do
Mama tells me I shouldn’t bother
that I ought to stick to another man
a man that surely deserves me
but I think you do!

So I cry, and I pray and I beg

Love me love me
say that you love me
fool me fool me
go on and fool me
love me love me
pretend that you love me
leave me leave me
just say that you need me

So I cried, and I begged for you to
Love me love me
say that you love me
leave me leave me
just say that you need me
I can’t care about anything but you

Lately I have desperately pondered,
spent my nights awake and I wonder
what I could do have done in another way
to make you stay
Reason will not lead to solution
I will end up lost in confusion
I don’t care if you really care
as long as you don’t go

So I cry, I pray and I beg

Love me love me
say that you love me
fool me fool me
go on and fool me
love me love me
pretend that you love me
leave me leave me
just say that you need me

So I cried, and I begged for you to
Love me love me
say that you love me
leave me leave me
just say that you need me
I can’t care about anything but you

Love me love me
say that you love me
fool me fool me
go on and fool me
Love me love me
I know that you need me
I can’t care about anything but you

Now, after seeing the lyrics of the song, what do you think anyone, who has an impressionable persona, will think of love? Or a lover? Love = Something that makes you extremely dependent on someone who “loves” you? Lover = Someone you can not live without?????

I am not out to ridicule the lyricist or to define love in some novel way! I don’t think I am in a position to do either. But that didn’t stop me from feeling sorry for the kind of lyrics the songs had and for that matter, even the “suggestions” that were being given by the RJs (who made them hearbreak experts, I don’t know!!!!!). A typical suggestion was (in response to the question, “How to get over my boy/girlfriend who ditched me?”): Big deal!!! Go out with someone else and teach him/her the lesson that YOU are worth more than him/her!

And such thoughts forced me to write this blog?

What IS love? Or rather what is NOT love?

And the book, “The Road Less Traveled” came just in time.

So, what is not love? There could be many answers. Mine are listed here:

1. Dependence: Somehow, almost all the songs typify dependence on someone as love. “If you’re not there, I can’t live”, “If you leave me, I will die”, “When you’re not around, I’m lost”…………..agreed, it may signify the “love” of this side. What about the other person? It may become an obligation for the other person to be always around. Just imagine someone ‘perennially’ clinging to you!!!!!!!! I’d say the idea gives ME goosebumps!!!!!

2. Perfect: Well, what can I possibly say about this? All of us want life to go OUR way, the PERFECT way! But my dear, welcome to reality! Nothing is perfect. No one comes cut and dried to be your soul-mate. Talking it out, adjusting, acceptance, tolerance, all these are an integral parts of taking love to a situation close to perfection.

3. Constant: “And I will always love you”, croons a very love-struck Whitney Houston and somehow, we become enamored of the idea that love is this feeling that stays constant always. Personally, I feel, ALL emotional (love included) go through ups and downs. If your special someone isn’t exactly gaga about being in love with you today doesn’t mean they loved you any less yesterday or will, tomorrow. The idea is to KNOW that like all things, loves doesn’t follow y = mx + c graph, where m = 0 (after a long time, I’m trying my hand at Maths :D)

4. Forever and ever: Oh well, ladies and gentlemen, love CAN come to an end! It’s not an emotion impervious to the bludgeoning of circumstances. The reasons may vary, but the fact is that love CAN perish. Probably, the two were never meant to be, probably they didn’t invest ‘enough’ in retaining (in the lack of watering and nutrition, ALL plants die)…………..blah blah blah………starting out with a notion that love lasts forever (minus maintenance) can be a serious eye-wash!

I could go on and on but I suppose I have listed all that came to my mind…………

But my advice to all those who either want to fall in love or are recently converted (yes, Sirs and Madames, it IS a conversion of sorts)……………don’t listen to these love songs and think real life can be equated to those in these songs, don’t listen to these “self-proclaimed” love gurus offering advice (what qualifies them as experts in love is something I wish to ask them)…………..always remember, the dynamics of a relationship between two people can NEVER be understood by a third person! So, the best people to solve love-problems are the two people who’re the problem………….round about, eh? Well, such is a beauty of this thing called love……….

So, go ahead, FALL IN LOVE………….who says, life is easy? 😉

– Pritesh

[A post I wrote about a year ago but didn’t post for some reason]

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9 Comments

  1. Ananth said,

    March 17, 2008 at 7:53 pm

    Well, thats a lot of philosophy for a blog! The complete compendium of love 😀

  2. vivekdarera said,

    March 17, 2008 at 9:43 pm

    I ‘love’ this blog…

  3. laasya said,

    March 17, 2008 at 10:30 pm

    My thats some soul outpouring! Well done :> Particularly agree about the all knowing rj’s..though am even more amazed (saddened?) at those who, in all sincerity, actually ask for help in these shows. A reflection of clingyness again or a genuine lack of close friends? (am inspired to write on ‘are you a cling or a fling’?);>

  4. Tata said,

    March 18, 2008 at 8:21 am

    LOVE – a four-lettered word – comes naturally and is not imposed or begged for. Real LOVE – once starts never leaves. It hasn’t left me for 55 (FIFTY FIVE) years!!!!!!!!!

  5. Sujit said,

    March 18, 2008 at 10:43 am

    Hi,

    Well said. All true from my perspective.

    Just two points to add as a critique, or rather as an explanation of what might be the reason that such songs are made (apart from the idea that the lyricist may have got the concept of love all wrong):
    1. This is the easiest (mis)conception of love for most teenager to agree with. They buy the CDs. 😉
    2. Artist’s license to portray evil (if you will). It’s just a portrayal of a state of mind. It mayn’t be right to assume that the lyricist is trying to glorify this image of love. Something similar to films showing violence can’t be blamed for propagating violence.

    But ya, no. 2 is kind of a weak argument.

    Good job, Pritz!

  6. SHAMIT said,

    March 19, 2008 at 10:34 am

    A very very very complex topic you have touched upon. I am unqualified to make a comment but feel some bit of closeness is required maybe as you said to nurture the sapling to grow into a sturdier plant – true with any human relationship.
    Also a part of your argument is a bit confused you say don’t cling, ‘no dependence’ then you say love can die out if you do not nurture/invest enough. Contradictory? No?
    If you do not nurture then you are not committing, the missing commitment is a sure recipe for disaster, a mere fling – it would then become a use and throw scenario – and you could blame it on a sudden Dopamine rush; and neither party should be in remorse later. There are certain expectations that as humans we expect as an integral part of the society, prevalent culture which cannot be suddenly thrown to the wind – ‘over-independence’ is maybe one such thing.
    And blaming the RJs for pure entertainment is getting a bit too serious, I wouldn’t even give them a serious thought, I’d emphasize that these shows are fun, unadulterated, do not an invest an iota of trust in them – would choose to see it from that perspective … 😉
    Of course inspite of all the nurturing things do go wrong – Murphy’s Law to blame (RJ style).
    Just said what i felt 🙂

  7. SHAMIT said,

    March 19, 2008 at 10:36 am

    A very, very, very complex topic you have touched upon. I am unqualified to make a comment but feel some bit of closeness is required maybe as you said to nurture the sapling to grow into a sturdier plant – true with any human relationship.
    Also a part of your argument is a bit confused you say don’t cling, ‘no dependence’ then you say love can die out if you do not nurture/invest enough. Contradictory? No?
    If you do not nurture then you are not committing, the missing commitment is a sure recipe for disaster, a mere fling – it would then become a use and throw scenario – and you could blame it on a sudden Dopamine rush; and neither party should be in remorse later. There are certain expectations that as humans we expect as an integral part of the society, prevalent culture which cannot be suddenly thrown to the wind – ‘over-independence’ is maybe one such thing.
    And blaming the RJs for pure entertainment is getting a bit too serious, I wouldn’t even give them a serious thought, I’d emphasize that these shows are fun, unadulterated, do not invest an iota of trust in them – would choose to see it from that perspective … 😉
    Of course inspite of all the nurturing things do go wrong – Murphy’s Law to blame (RJ style).
    Just said what i felt 🙂

  8. Cindy Holman said,

    February 24, 2009 at 5:40 am

    So true – love your thoughts on this – keep writing 🙂

  9. Pritesh said,

    March 3, 2009 at 8:13 pm

    Thanks Cindy! 🙂


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