Conversion of an Agnostic

(All those who are expecting a loaded post with religious concepts, kindly look elsewhere)

Well, I am a self-proclaimed agnostic (with a soft corner for some customs that I find cute) but on Saturday, I prayed to GOD, and prayed and prayed and prayed!!!!!!! Here goes the story…………

My friend’s Mom needed some thing from Chennai, so I decided to go to Chennai and with that intention, I stood at the regular DAE Bus-Stop, waiting for the bus. Minutes ticked past and after half an hour of waiting, the bus finally arrived. The bus slowed down but I wasn’t sure it’d stop so I hopped into the moving bus and LO! The bus STOPPED (I mean, engine wasn’t idling either). I felt, Oh My God, poor driver! Must be a considerate man!

The moment I entered the bus, my eyes wandered (almost involuntarily) to my favourite seat, the first one, near the driver and WOW! I was lucky, it was EMPTY! So, I rushed to the seat and sat down. The driver started the bus and within a fraction of a second, I regretted boarding this bus!!!!!! The engine was 15 cm away from my foot and my foot felt like it was in a muffle furnace (if you don’t know what that is, take it from me, it’s nothing pleasant)! In addition, the bus shook at such frequencies that my teeth chattered like I was freezing to death!!!!!!! I clasped my hands together and thanked mother Nature for providing cerebral fluid for the brain to float in! Or else, I’d have lost whatever little is left of my brain to friction against the cranium!

Now, this bus (better suited for a junkyard than a journey to any place) in one interesting phenomenon! Whoever invented shock absorbing system forgot to install one in this bus and my rear end was bearing the brunt! With every speed-breaker, I was sent flying with my hair touching the roof and everytime, I (flawlessly, thankfully) landed back in a seat with its coir worn away till the metal poked out!!!!

Everytime someone on the road dared venture in the way of this bus, the driver honked! A horn that sounded more like a burp sneaking out through the back door! The gear lever was the most stubborn kinds I’ve seen and every “once in a while” the driver used to let go of the steering to FOCUS on shifting the gear with “both his hands”!!! I started believing in God THAT VERY MOMENT for I saw that since the driver wasn’t steering the bus, God MUST BE doing it!!!!!! Now my hands were firmly clasped and I prayed to all the Gods I knew the names of (the only time I believed in Caste no bar, religion no bar!!!!!!!! All Gods MUST BE equal)!!!!!

The bus driver must be a kind man because every time someone waved at the bus, he slowed AND stopped! He muttered something under his breath and restarted the engine and off we went of a bumpy ride!

At Mahabalipuram, the inevitable of the worst kind happened! A piglet (being chased by a street dog) ran in front of the bus when the bus was bang in the middle of traffic! The driver, being his kind self, slowed (AND stopped). This time, he got really angry. I waited on for him to restart the bus but I got to know later that this won’t be the case! The driver made an exception and climbed off the bus only to start chasing the piglet himself!!!!!!! It was a SIGHT TO BEHOLD! The buses behind ours honking away to glory! The driver running behind the piglet and the dog close on his heels! After some time, it was hard to make out who was chasing WHOM and WHY!!!!!!

Thankfully, the chase came to an end and the driver returned (I don’t know WHAT he achieved but maybe, I am not familiar with this thing called “varieties of human behaviour”!!!)……….and we started again, on our “lacking in shock-absorbers” journey! I was furiously praying for no further mishaps!!!! And PRAYING non-stop!!!! At that time, anyone would’ve mistaken me for being ferociously religious!!!!!!

Once we exited Mahabalipuram, the road is world class (and there are no speed-breakers, thankfully)!!! So, the driver became bold (much to our horror) and drove fast! Soon, we were approaching Chennai. And the Chennai traffic police (not knowing our bus’s UNIQUE features) had put barricades every km or so. In order to cross these, one’s supposed to drive in a zigzag manner. Our bus driver, fearing that the bus would stop, spared the brakes and drove through these barricades at Formula One speeds!!!!!!!

Everyone clutched at their seats (for life) and my mind recited the names of all prayers it knew in the honour of ALL the Gods, over and over again! Some ten barricades of this kind came and went and at the end, I heaved a sigh of relief, coupled with a promise of visiting a temple and breaking eleven coconuts IF I survived this ride!!!!!! (something I wouldn’t even DREAM of doing otherwise!).

Gods heard my prayers (or maybe, all passengers were praying too, so Gods had no go but to hear us) and I managed to make it to CMBT Bus Stop in one piece. As I was getting down, I asked myself, Where the hell did this driver learn his driving? And as if Gods were still kind, I saw the driver pull out his bag from a compartment which had “Brilliant Tutorials” written on it in BOLD letters! So much so for correspondence tutorials…………….

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8 Comments

  1. SHAMIT said,

    January 14, 2008 at 12:25 pm

    Ha ha haaa, absolutely hilarious!!!

  2. Ananth said,

    January 14, 2008 at 2:13 pm

    Babe, thats one hell of a piece of writing! You brought me to the floor laughing. You should consider taking up writing seriously (of course, after you get tired of science and painting and music and what not)

  3. Pritesh said,

    January 14, 2008 at 3:19 pm

    Thanks Shamit! 🙂

    And Ananth, if YOU would’ve gone through the ride yourself, taking up writing seriously wouldn’t even cross your mind! Mere survival would become an issue! 😀 You would never stop thanking your stars for making it!!!!

  4. Aditi said,

    January 14, 2008 at 8:55 pm

    Awesome! Yeah n-talented lady, I agree with Ananth, I wait for your posts these days!

  5. Kripa said,

    January 16, 2008 at 3:28 am

    I agree with Ananth. You should get a journal published of all your mad, hilarious adventures! Loved it

  6. Pritesh said,

    January 17, 2008 at 4:47 pm

    Thanks Aditi, for your encouragement. Maybe, SOME day I will take up writing professionally! (need to work on my English before that :D)

    And thanks Kripa dear! If I wrote a journal, the average of people suffering with stomach ache with skyrocket! 😀

  7. KRSP said,

    January 19, 2008 at 8:03 pm

    you can larn Englis fram me
    :Q

  8. Ashwin said,

    March 15, 2010 at 3:11 am

    haha !! really hilarious stuff !


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